YAY!!!

I got that job!!! I started on April 23rd. I lovr it down there. The people are all really funny. Yesterday my boss almost called the cops on some crazy redneck who was missing a bunch of teeth. It was kind of scary the guy wanted to fight our general manager. All I do is sit in my office and read until someone comes in to make a payment. Its a used car lot called Nice Cars. On the commercials it says Nice Cars for good people but that isn't always true which is kind of funny to me. I make nine dolars an hour to just sit there not bad for an 18 year old who is hardly out of high school.

The things I have always wanted to do have been far out of reach do to lack of money. Right now I feel so bored. I want to run,jump, scream, anything but sit here. I have to go to work tomorrow and its going on one o'clock in the morning now, I don't feel sleepy though. I have writers block on the story I have been writing and I feel as if I am stuck in a corner blocked in with no where to turn and run. Oh God how I wish to be liberated from this place. With nothing to do I guess I will try to sleep but I can make no promises.

To Mom

Mom,
I don't know what to say to you these days cause you're never around. I wish you were here right now but I know I wouldn't tell you how I feel even then. I have wrote you so many letters when you're out late but I never give them to you. The night that Lisa died I didn't even bother to call you and I don't know why I always call you. I just wasn't thinking anything might happen. Maybe if I had called you then Lisa wouldn't be dead right now. I try to erase the pain from my mind but it just comes back. I find myself thinking of her even though I try not to but that seems to make it more present in my thoughts. She did a lot of things I didn't like but I still loved her. I pray that she is now in a better place. I pray for you everyday cause I know that you think that it is your fault. I think that if Lisa hadn't died and she still got out of your car that night she wouldn't be mad. You were only doing what she wanted you to do. Please don't think its your fault. If it had been you I don't know what I would do. It would break my heart and I don't think I would ever be the same again. I lvoe you with all my heart.
Love Always & Forever,
Kristen

father-daughter relationship

My dad and I have had a rocky relationship since I was fifteen. I know he still doesn't trust me but I really wish he would. I've changed so much since then. I just want the relationship every girl wants with her dad. I know that if a guy was ever bad to me my dad would drop him like a sack of bricks, but I want him to show me how much he loves me. I feel like I don't hear it enough from him. I guess that's why I had sex with the first guy that ever showed me that love I wanted from a man. I just want my daddy. God I feel like a big baby cause I'm actually about to start crying over this. I know my dad will never read this but I love you Dad!

what i want to be

So I've been thinking about what I really want to do with my life. I have always wanted to be a writer. I still do but I'm not going to depend on that so I think I'll be a paramedic. I thought a lot about it and its really the only thing that intrest me. My sister, Morgan, wants to be a nurse but i have no desire to do that. It seems like it would be a good experience to save a person's life but I know that there is a big down side because you can't save everyone. That's part of the job and I'll never grow use to it but to save someone is the biggest gift you can give.

jobs

So I work at Bi-Lo, a grocery store. My best friend Tiffany told me her mom could get me a job at Nice Cars. Tiff just got a job there and now she is texting me saying how boring it is but still I think it would be better than where I am now. I just want to walk out everytime I work. She says its not hard there just isn't anything to do when you finish the work they give you. I was supposed to go down there today but I really didn't want to because today is my day off I really wish I would have now. They are really needing people so I'll go down there on Saturday or something. I can't quit my job until I have another though because I have a loan that I have to pay off.